It’s confession time…I am struggling. The truth is I have been struggling for a couple of months now. I feel it and know it but can’t seem to shake it. What is it? This is the question that I keep having with myself in my quiet time. There are days when I can spend time with The Lord and feel His rich presence while other days I am going through the motions, and He seems distant and I stand alone. I quickly dismiss this from my mind because I know it isn’t true. I know what His promises say and I begin to claim them again. I feel as though I am on one end of the see-saw. One day I am going up and down in a continual motion and others where I am stuck in my tracks and not able to move. Have you ever been there? Maybe you can relate with me.

FullSizeRender (89)I don’t like this person that I have been, and I want to transform back into the easy going, happy go lucky, full of joy and encouragement lady that I know and miss. I have kept my struggles to myself in hopes that I could fix them. It is not working, so this week I reached out to a dear sister and asked for her prayers for a specific situation that I was walking through. I just sent her a text message asking for her to pray. She instantly texted back and asked if I could talk. It was a rare time that I had the house to myself with no interruptions. I responded yes and within minutes we were on the phone together…just the sound of her voice brings me comfort. I was doing most of the talking and she was doing the listening. Her listening skills amazed me. At the end of our conversation, she asked if she could repeat to me some of the things she heard me say. She had been taking notes while I was talking. I grabbed a pen and paper and started writing down what she heard me say. Here are some of my own words: “I’m scared. I am angry. I have fear about this world we live in. It is causing me to be tense and rigid. I am trying to control everything. I want to be able to trust again.”

FullSizeRender (6)Wow! I was finally able to HEAR my problem. FEAR is robbing me of my joy. Over time my fear has caused me to stop trusting my God and take matters into my own hand (this is never a good idea guys…God is God and I am not). During my time with Him I was doing all of the talking, and when you are doing all of the talking there isn’t any time to listen. In a relationship the communication is supposed to go both ways. He was able to finally speak to me through my beautiful friend, and I am so grateful. Since this phone conversation there have been many tears shed and confessions made. I was able to come clean before Him. I love the verse that He led me to just yesterday. These words were written by David when he himself was struggling. “Create in me a pure heart, ‘O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the JOY of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” Psalm 51:10-12 NIV

What a mess I am, but what a faithful God He is. I love that He alone restores my soul. I love that when I won’t stop talking long enough to listen He gives me a friend that will be able to speak to me. You guys, He pursues us and never gives up on us in all of our brokenness. If you are struggling with something don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Maybe you have a trusted friend just waiting to hear from you today. Text them, call them. They will listen. Lean in and trust God. Don’t take matters into your own hand. I can attest that this doesn’t work. God is God and we are not. He is still on His throne despite the chaos we see in this world. He knows what He is doing. I am getting back to trusting Him and Him alone. He is a good good Father, gentle and loving in all of His ways.  We all go through seasons of drought where we grow weary and tired. If you are in this season now with me, lift your head!  Rain will fall again. #truth #gloryup

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Galatians 6:9 NIV

Be strong and courageous. Do NOT be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NIV

Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.” Proverbs 3:5 AMP